I must be too annoying 4 u.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
