but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
