It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I have vodka in my lungs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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