dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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