Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
