im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
