Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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