I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
