hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
