how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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