I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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