one word: firstdatebathroomanal
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
