Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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