I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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