Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
