I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize