Barsexuality is the new black.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love having hate sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
