Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my liver is dry heaving
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
