It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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