Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize