Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
