We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
