I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
