I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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