Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize