I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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