Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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