my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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