in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
