Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
