my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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