four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
