"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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