Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
