I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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