And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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