i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
