if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
