I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
