Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
