somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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