His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
