**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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