I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
