O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
