I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
