how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
