We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
