if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you would pick up someone in the library
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
