FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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