Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
