but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
