The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
