I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
