I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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