It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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