Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
