There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
