I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
