it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
