ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
